it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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