dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
