I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
