im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
