how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
