I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
