No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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