at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
