Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize