I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize