She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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