its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
