I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't deserve a penis
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize