I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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