I just pynch a tree in the face
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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