somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
