Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
