New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize