how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dignity is for republicans.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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