We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize