I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
