Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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