Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
