There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
