I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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