More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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