I cannot find my penis.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
