So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
