we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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