Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
