I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
