How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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