It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
