apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize