I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
