you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
