before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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