Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
