he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
