Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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