god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
