If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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