how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
