Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
