It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
