I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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