i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
