It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
