for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
