Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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