Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
