: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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