eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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