i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
