i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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