theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just had sex bonerless
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
