If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize