she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I need water and some morals
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
