Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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