Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
