and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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