He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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