those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
