Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize