Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Alive.
So much puke
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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