I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
