Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't deserve a penis
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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